How attachment styles show up in your relationship

A cropped image showing only the legs and feet of a therapist and a couple, who are sitting in a therapy session. They are wearing each other's shoes: a pair of Bostonian dress shoes and two different pairs of high heel shoes.

Step into a better understanding of your attachment style.

Understanding helps us to become more emotionally attuned as partners: to feel seen, heard, and valued.

In this blog post, our couples therapist Natalie Bergman explains the four main attachment styles.

Meet the author

Natalie Bergman, MA, RPsych
COUPLES THERAPIST

Meet the editor

Ana Hoepfner, BEc
COMMUNICATIONS

Attachment styles greatly influence our romantic relationships

Here’s a quick look at the four main attachment styles and how they can affect your love life.

Secure attachment

You feel comfortable with intimacy and independence.
You tend to have healthy, balanced relationships.

Anxious attachment

You seek closeness and constant reassurance.
You might experience a lot of worry about whether your partner loves you.

Avoidant attachment

You value independence and can be emotionally distant.
You might struggle with intimacy and prefer to keep emotions at bay.

Disorganized attachment

You experience mixed feelings and unpredictability.
You might find it hard to trust and connect consistently.

How Emotionally Focused Therapy helps you create
a more secure attachment style

In four steps, Emotionally Focused Therapy (EFT) can guide you through understanding and working on your attachment style.

1. Identify your style.

Recognize your attachment style and how it impacts your relationship.

2. Create emotional safety.

Build a safe space for open and honest communication.

3. Enhance connection.

Strengthen your emotional bond through engaged conversations.

4. Transform patterns.

Replace negative cycles with positive interactions.

Are you stuck with your attachment style or can you change it?

You can change your attachment style into a more secure one.

Using Emotionally Focused Therapy, you can work through attachment-related issues to create stronger and more secure relationships.

Reference

Johnson, S. M. (2019). Attachment Theory in Practice: Emotionally Focused Therapy (EFT) with Individuals, Couples, and Families. Guilford Press.

Looking to build a more securely attached relationship?

Our couples therapists can help.

Book a couples counselling appointment